Broadway San Jose announces inaugural season

From the ashes of the American Musical Theatre of San Jose rises a whole new series bringing Broadway tours to the San Jose Center for the Performing Arts, and it’s called Broadway San Jose.

A Nederlander Presentation, part of the national Nederlander Organization, is the producing agency that will bring in the shows starting in September in association with Team San Jose.

Here’s the inaugural season lineup:

Spamalot, Sept. 15-20
Spring Awakening, Oct. 28-Nov. 1
Riverdance (in its farewell tour), Dec. 29-Jan. 3
Avenue Q, Jan. 12-17
Legally Blonde the Musical, March 16-21

Season subscription packages are available from $108-$429. Call 866-395-2929 or visit www.broadwaysanjose.com for information.

And from the Web site comes information for former AMTSJ subscribers who had tickets for two shows that were canceled: “Broadway San Jose will be offering former 2008-2009 AMTSJ Season Ticket Holders a substantial discount to become a new ‘Priority ‘season ticket holder for the 2009-2010 Season. Former 2008-2009 AMTSJ season ticket holders will have a window of opportunity to utilize your season ticket discount, as well as to purchase priority season ticket seat locations online before the general public.”

Read Karen D’Souza’s story about it in the San Jose Mercury News here.

Helping Broadway musicals go (sh-k-) Boom!

Kurt Deutsch didn’t mean to get into the record business.

The self-described “total theater guy” grew up in St. Louis going to theater whenever possible (usually at The Muny) and then studied directing and acting in college. His big break came when Evan Handler had to leave the Broadway production of Neil Simon’s Broadway Bound for health reasons (he was diagnosed with leukemia, survived, wrote a fantastic book about it, Time on Fire, and went on to star in, among other things, Sex and the City, so there’s a happy ending here).

Deutsch replaced Handler and did the show for a year and half, and then went on to Aaron Sorkin’s A Few Good Men.

After he moved to Los Angeles, Deutsch met the woman who would become his wife, actress Sherie Rene Scott, while working on Randy Newman’s musical Faust. The show didn’t go anywhere, but the relationship did.

When Scott was getting ready to do Disney’s Aida on Broadway, she was offered a record contract – every performer’s dream, right? – and Deutsch looked it over.

“I thought it was ridiculous,” he says during a phone interview. “I thought we should just do it ourselves, and one thing led to another. I had no intention of doing cast albums or any of the stuff we ended up doing. I was just going to do a record with my wife.”

That was eight years ago, and Sh-K-Boom records, co-founded by Scott (the Sh) and Deutsch (the K), has become a major force in the realm of Broadway music. Originally the label started as an outlet for Broadway performers to show their musical colors outside of cast albums. Scott, along with the likes of Adam Pascal of Rent and Alice Ripley of Side Show, released pop-rock, singer-songwriter albums.

Then original cast albums began to creep into the picture as Deutsch began to learn more about the music industry, recording contracts and business models.

“The usual recording contracts are awful,” Deutsch says. “The record company pays for the record, but then the artist never makes any money off the record. The same kind of contract is given to shows. The royalty deal is horrible because you have to sell so many records to see any money off of it. I thought it was so unfair. I couldn’t believe producers would sign these things. I realized cast albums could be an asset and make money, theoretically. Producers spend all this money creating the shows, why wouldn’t they want to create their own cast album? So we created a different model for producers to share in the revenue from cast albums in an equitable way.”

The music industry is an industry in turmoil. Technology has wreaked havoc with traditional means of recording and distribution – thank you, iTunes. Deutsch has had to be creative and to develop a mission.

“When I go see the shows, there are two aspects I’m considering: preservation and money making,” Deutsch explains. “I know certain shows will probably never make back their investments. I’m very honest with the producer or the not-for-profit that is producing it. We then find angels to support the cast album, which is probably the most important tool if the show is going to have a life beyond this production. If a recording exists, productions will happen.”

Deutsch, of course, is not running a not-for-profit organization. He has to make money to stay in business. But he has gotten good at helping shows find money, whether he taps a moneyed believer in the show, the music publisher or other sponsors.

For releasing cast albums, Deutsch created a separate label called Ghostlight Records (named for the single bulb lamp left on stages after a performance), and among the cast albums he has released are this year’s Tony-winner for best musical, In the Heights, Legally Blonde, The Drowsy Chaperone, The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee and another recent Tony-winner, Passing Strange, which was recorded live and has the distinction of being the first original Broadway cast recording released in a digital format before it was released to brick-and-mortar stores.

“There will always be something physical people will buy, especially collectors of recordings,” Deutsch says. “Some people will always want to read the lyrics, see photos to get a sense of the show or just have a souvenir of the show, a tangible thing.”

But there’s no denying the fact that the digital revolution has made things easier for distributors: there’s no manufacturing cost, no shipping and customers around the world can acquire the product with the click of a mouse.

With this summer’s airing of MTV’s reality show search for a new lead in Legally Blonde, Deutsch says that Blonde music sales, already one of the label’s strong sellers, increased, with about 50 percent of sales going out digitally.

There was one potentially major gaffe associated with the conclusion of the MTV show, which revealed the winner and new Blonde star to be Bailey Hanks. Deutsch and his crew had already recorded Hanks singing the show’s “So Much Better,” which was scheduled for release the day after she was crowned the winner. But someone at Amazon.com didn’t get the memo and posted a 30-second clip of Hanks’ song days before they were supposed to. There was no name on the clip, but anyone watching the show would recognize Hanks as the singer.

“I was on vacation in Italy and got this frantic e-mail from the executive producer of the Legally Blonde show,” Deutsch recalls. “We had had to sign a confidentiality agreement with the show, and a mistake like that one could have cost us $500,000. They eventually took the clip down. Hopefully someone was fired.”

Part of Deutsch’s creative mission with these recordings is to make original cast albums vital again. He gave away a copy of the Dirty Rotten Scoundrels disc with every ticket sold during the show’s Broadway run. For “In the Heights” he created radio-friendly three-minute versions of some of the show’s songs. And Passing Strange went digital in time for its award-season appearances.

He also takes risks, like he did with the musical bare (which will have its San Francisco premiere next year). The small-scale musical about teens in Catholic school, was generating buzz off-Broadway. After meeting with producers, Deutsch recorded a 12-track disc that was essentially given away, mostly to youth groups and summer camps.

“We spent $50,000 to make the record and market it,” Deutsch says. “The idea was to create buzz to get the show to Broadway. Then the money fell apart, and it never opened on Broadway.”

Upcoming releases for Sh-K-Boom and Ghostlight include an archival recording of Patti LuPone’s legendary concerts at Les Mouches (Nov. 11), Michael John LaChiusa’s
Little Fish (Sept. 9) and Orfeh’s What Do You Want from Me (Sept. 30). Recent releases include Kelli O’Hara’s Wonder in the World, the cast album for the first Broadway musical of the season, [title of show],
and Lea Delaria’s The Live Smoke Sessions.

“The whole point of this is that we’re part of the community,” Deutsch says. “Sheri is part of the Broadway community. We have a lot of friends in the Broadway community. We’re performers and producers on Broadway, not some big, bad record label guys. We want to help grow Broadway and off-Broadway. This is a great time in history with a lot of great people, and we can help make something to remember them by.”

For information visit www.sh-k-boom.com or http://shkbuzz.wordpress.com

Bill Berloni brings out the animal in Broadway

When Bill Berloni barks, Broadway listens.

Or, to be more accurate, when Berloni’s clients bark. Or meow. Or chirp.

Berloni is the foremost theatrical animal trainer working on the stage today. If you’ve seen an animal on stage in the last 32 years, chances are pretty good Berloni had something to do with it. His very first job was finding a Sandy for Annie, and one of his most recent jobs was providing a bulldog and a Chihuahua for Legally Blonde the Musical, which started life last year at San Francisco’s Golden Gate Theatre before heading to New York.

Berloni has been in the news lately because he has written about his work with animal actors in Broadway Tails: Heartfelt Stories of Rescued Dogs Who Became Showbiz Superstars (The Lyons Press, $16.95).

It’s a wonderful book, full of the kinds of backstage stories that theater fans gobble up. And if you like animals AND theater, there simply is no better book for you.

It’s clear from page one that Berloni is a compassionate, gentle man, and that impression only solidifies as he details his work on the Richard Burton revival of Camelot, Alice in Wonderland, Cameron Mackintosh’s Oliver, Madison Square Garden’s The Wizard of Oz, a Susan Stroman dance for the New York City Ballet and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to name just a few.

During a recent telephone conversation, Berloni recalled working at the Goodspeed Opera House in the summer of 1976. He was 19 and was on the stage crew. He was promised his Equity card if he would serve as dog trainer for a new show: a musical based on the comic strip “Little Orphan Annie.”

“The operative word then was `cheap.’ There was no money,” Berloni says. “Instead of borrowing or renting a dog, someone said they have cheap dogs at the pound. I had never been at a shelter, and it was utterly depressing. I saw all these creatures in the cages, and they all needed to be profoundly loved. I found one dog that matched the look, but he was going to be put to sleep the next day, and I didn’t have the money to adopt him. I went back to the theater, borrowed the $7 and adopted the dog.”

That was the original Sandy, who sat alongside Andrea McArdle as she warbled “Tomorrow” to the rafters. Berloni and the dog bonded in a big way. But the show was a flop, so when it was over, Berloni and his dog Sandy moved to Greenwich Village, and Berloni began studying with Stella Adler.

Then director Mike Nichols called and said Annie was heading to Broadway.

“By the time the show opened out of town at the Kennedy Center, I was a world-famous animal trainer,” Berloni recalls of the job that literally fell into his lap.

From that period on, Berloni has maintained his promise to himself that whenever possible he will find his animal actors in shelters and make sure they have homes when the production ends.

Audiences (and critics) tend to love seeing animals on stage and react in big ways.

“I’ve always wondered why that is exactly,” Berloni says. “Then it occurred to me: it’s like Method acting when you try to bring reality to the stage. An animal on stage is the ultimate reality, and that brings people to the edge of their seats. The dog is not acting – it’s real. Compare that to the actors trying to be real. Animals are the ultimate Method.”

Berloni’s approach to working with an animal actor in a show is not about tricks. He has a wider view than that.

“It’s all about being part of a team,” Berloni says. “The more you work with other artistic members of the team, the more you see it’s the result that matters, not one’s shining star. It’s about what the author and the director want combined with what the animals are capable of doing. My job is not to make Bruiser (the bulldog in Legally Blonde) do tricks. My job is to make Elle Woods look good. The animals are acting in a play, telling a story. I’ve been popular in Broadway work as a collaborator, not someone doing a dog act.”

A huge part of Berloni’s career has involved touring Broadway shows (he’s done umpteen Annie tours and revivals) and regional productions. His animals never fly cargo on planes. Rather, he outfits vans for comfortable road travel, and each animal has an attentive handler (often Berloni and his wife, Dorothy).

He’s currently preparing yet another Annie tour as well as the Legally Blonde tour and one more Wizard of Oz tour.

Beyond his stage work, Berloni is, not surprisingly, an advocate for animal rights. At his Connecticut home, he has 23 dogs, 10 of which are retired actor dogs. He also says 20 percent of the royalties from his book (which is co-written by his brother-in-law, Jim Hanrahan) will support the Sandy Fund, which Berloni’s wife set up through the Humane Society of New York.

As for future projects, Berloni would like to get more involved in the creative side.

“Some of the shows I’ve worked on have been criticized because the animal steals the show and gets the best reviews,” Berloni says. “So why not create a whole show starring a dog? That’s my hope, to create a musical in which an animal plays a full character, not a minor character or a prop. It’s my secret hope we’ll be able to pull that off.”

Visit William Berloni’s Theatrical Animals Web site here.

Here’s Berloni in a TV intervie alongside Chloe and Chico from Legally Blonde:

What the Elle? Bailey conquers `Blonde’


The three remaining girls (from left), Bailey, Autumn, Rhiannon, face the judges one last time. B’bye Rhiannon. Photos courtesy of MTV.

Well let’s just be thankful it’s over.

MTV’s reality show “Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods” began seven weeks ago with 50 girls and, as the voiceover told us, “the most intense audition in theater history.”

A bunch of pink outfits and a WHOLE lot of simpering and whimpering later, we have our winner, and may I just say, I totally called this one.

After last week’s mega-challenge in which the remaining three girls had to show off their triple-threatedness, we were promised an early elimination, and sure enough, spunky Rhiannon was ousted for being, well, too darn spunky (and for not having a good enough voice).You’d think girls named after Fleetwood Mac songs would go farther in this world.

That left Autumn and Bailey to duke it out on the stage of the Palace Theatre performing three numbers – “Oh My God You Guys,” “Positive” and “So Much Better” — with the Legally Blonde set, orchestra and cast members. And here’s the twist – they had to rehearse all three numbers in a day.

And just to give them an extra, added little zing, the girls’ parents and, in Bailey’s case, lookalike siblings, were flown in and put in the audience where the cameras could watch them writhing in agony as the girls performed competitively.

The usual judging panel – casting agent Bernie Telsey, Blonde co-writer Heather Hach and cast member Paul Canaan (is he REALLY the “toast of Broadway” as hostess Haylie Duff proclaimed?) – was augmented, mercifully, by Blonde director/choreographer Jerry Mitchell, a man with more than a lick of sense, who would ultimately make the final choice.

I loved it when Mitchell told Bailey she was a victim of “shmacting,” meaning she overplayed out to the audience too much.

We saw healthy chunks of both girls’ performances intercut with subtitled comments from the judging panel. It was clear from their girlish giddiness that the judges were loving Bailey and merely admiring Autumn for her beautiful voice. Autumn seems to admire her every asset enough for everyone, so it all balances out in the end.

[SPOILER ALERT] And of course the winner was South Carolina’s own Bailey Hanks, 20. The reveal was anticlimactic and dumb. Then Bailey had to perform “So Much Better” again with the surprise twist that all the previous contestants were her back-up sorority girls. Though we hardly had a moment to take in the reunion as the credits started to roll.

Bailey begins performances at the Palace Wednesday, July 23. I’d go see her if I could out of sheer curiosity and to see if she has the stamina for an entire show. Visit www.legallyblondethemusical.com for information.

Ghostlight is going to release Bailey’s single version of “So Much Better,” the first act closer, on iTunes beginning today (July 22).

And here’s more news: reality shows come in handy when re-casting for a tour or filling in slots on a long-running Broadway show. According to Playbill.com, “finalists Autumn Hurlbert, Rhiannon Hansen and Lauren Zakrin have all been cast in either the Broadway production or the first national tour of the musical, which launches in Providence, RI, Sept. 23…Hurlbert, the first runner-up in the competition, will understudy the role of Elle Woods on Broadway and will perform in the ensemble. Zakrin, the youngest contestant on the reality show, will understudy the tour’s Elle Woods, Becky Gulsvig, and will also be a member of the ensemble. And, Hansen will play the role of Margot, Elle’s best friend, on tour.”

Now one last visit with the brilliant vocal coach Seth Rudetsky, who should have a reality show all his own. Brava, Seth.

Blinded by the `Blonde’

We’re getting so close to the end of MTV’s “Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods” that I’d like to just predict the winner and save us all the ridiculous drama. Bailey (right), here’s the starring role. Get to work. Rumor has it that to cover their butts, producers only have to allow the winner of this contest to appear for a week in the show. Then maybe they’ll get a Broadway legend to take over.

I don’t like reality TV’s ludicrous bells and whistles – all the boring gimmicks they use to pump up the so-called drama – and I especially don’t like them on this show. It makes the theater, specifically musical theater, look ridiculous, when, in reality, people in musical theater are insanely talented and work their asses off. As casting agent and show judge Bernie Telsey said of Laura Bell Bundy, the outgoing star of Legally Blonde: “Laura Bell does this eight times a week every night.”

Another benefit of this pound-my-head-against-the-wall-stupid show is that it has given me all new respect for the talents of Ms. Bundy and what she has done with the ultra-demanding role of Elle Woods. I hope she gets a nice long rest and then gets a cushy sitcom that makes her a big enough star so that she can come back and star in a Broadway musical.

So, on to Monday night’s episode and the final four. We have the adult, Autumn, clocking in at an oh-so-wise 28. And then we have the kids: Bailey, 20, Rhiannon, 19, and Lauren, 18.

Their task this week was to learn the complicated and exuberant number (the best one in the show), “What You Want,” when Elle delivers a splashy musical routine complete with marching band instead of writing a personal essay to get into Harvard Law. The idea was to let the girls show their “it” factor all the while proving that they are triple threats: they can sing, dance, act, and the silent fourth threat: be blonde.

The best line during rehearsals came from Lauren (right) commenting on Bailey: “I do not have any liking towards her singing voice.” And as I’ve said before, I don’t have any liking towards Lauren’s face, especially when she gets her Sad Sack Lauren look.

[Spoiler alert]Well, to jump ahead because I’m bored, she had a lot of reason to be sad this week. All four girls got called into the casting office and were told how much they suck. Then Lauren was dumped. But here’s the twist because there’s only one more episode left (hooray!): one more girl is getting booted as a result of “What You Want,” which is an ironic number because it revealed what the judges don’t want.

Here’s the thing, though. Rumors abound in the old Interweb that Lauren has been cast as a sorority sister in the Legally Blonde national tour. If it’s true, that’s not a bad gig for such a young’un.

The promo for next week’s episode promised “the most groundbreaking moment in Broadway history.” What, Chita Rivera is going to be cast as Elle?

Enjoy vocal coach Seth Rudetsky’s rather flatulent wrap-up of this week’s episode.

`Legally’ bored: Awash in blondes and tears


There they are, the five finalists in MTV’s “Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods.” They are, from left, Rhiannon, Bailey, Natalie, Lauren and Autumn. Someone please make the pink blondeness end! Photos courtesy of MTV

Could a dumb reality show be any more tear filled? Last night’s episode of MTV’s “Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods” was like musical theater crossed with Hamlet. I don’t think there was one girl who didn’t weep copiously.

So we’re down to five girls: three blondes (Lauren, Bailey, Rhiannon) and two brunettes (Autumn, Natalie). Well that all changed when the girls got Elle Woods make-overs. The blondes got blonder and the brunettes lost IQ points by actually becoming blondes. But that wasn’t the big news from the salon. No, the earth-shattering news was that Bailey WEPT because she had an inch trimmed from her tresses. Yes — tears over a change in hair length only she could possibly notice.

Then the girls went to a photo shoot and had some quality time with the musical’s original (and in desperate need of a rest) Elle Woods: Laura Bell Bundy. One thing this ridiculous exercise in casting has done for me is given me a whole new appreciation for Bundy — who was terrific in the role, even at the beginning when the show had its pre-Broadway run at San Francisco’s Golden Gate Theatre. She’s mature — a real pro with dignity, comic chops, solid moves and a great attitude. Turns out finding someone to fill her shoes is a lot harder than it might seem.

When talking about playing Elle — the best experience of her life, she said — Bundy teared up — the only deserved tears of the whole evening.

After the photo shoot, Natalie won the opportunity to have a meal with Blonde cast member Andy Karl, which was supposed to give her an advantage in the audition scene the girls would go on to perform with him (he’s the understudy for the leading man in addition to playing the adorable UPS Guy and begin married to co-star Orfeh in real life). As usual, this “advantage” was a crock. None of these ridiculous “advantages” have ever proved to be worth anything.

Sure enough, in performance, Natalie (right), even with her blonde locks, was a dud and had no chemistry with Karl. Autumn rocked the audition (where has that voice been hiding?), as did Lauren. Rhiannon was a disappointment because of wonky vocals, and Bailey was like an Elle automaton.

Here’s what I hate about reality shows (not just this one): in an attempt to grab our attention, the host and the judges behave as if their duties are the most weighty and important in the whole universe. Judge Bernie Telsey, while chastising Natalie, Bailey and Rhiannon (who cried herself a river) in the casting office, came across as the chief of a parole board hearing. As if anyone outside of that room really cares at all who goes home.

[SPOILER ALERT] It was no surprise to see Natalie hit the pavement. Poor thing is a blonde now. Life won’t be easy for her. Vocal coach Seth Rudetsky had the best line of the night when, after seeing the new blondes, asked if the carpet matched the curtains. Here’s Rudetsky’s spot-on recap of the show.

For more clips and full performances visit www.mtv.com.

`Blonde’ reality getting puke-y

So now viewers aren’t the only ones hurling during MTV’s “Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods.”

We’re down to six girls at the start of this week’s episode, and by the end of the dance audition, one of them is seen on her knees in a bathroom stall heaving up her guts. Classy.

The girl with the upset tummy was Autumn, the hero of this week’s episode. She got the best line when she admitted she’s not the world’s greatest dancer: “Dance is at the bottom of my triple-threatedness.”

She also gets the Elle Woods merit badge for cheering up the girls when, after at taxing day of dancing on the cobblestone streets of Brooklyn in pink, four-inch heel boots, they are asked to fill out a nasty questionnaire about who they think the worst singer, dancer, actor is of the group, who should have been sent home already and who do they think will win. Autumn quickly reversed the situation by totally disregarding the questions and re-writing them in a more positive, most-improved light.

Aside from Autumn, how boring was this episode? Oh, pretty darn boring. Emma whined some more about her bronchitis. Host Haylie Duff said “the next Elle Woods on Broadway” about 100 times, the girls talked about how exciting this was but how sad that was. Excited and sad. What incredible insight!

I did like Legally Blonde cast member and assistant choreographer Nick Kenkel ragging on Lauren’s face. I’ve decided that when she smiles, she’s adorable – kind of a blond Katie Holmes. But when she’s not smiling – uggh. She scares me. It’s sort of a depressive Miss Piggy.

But I’m getting mean, which indicates boredom. Back to Nick. I liked his dance direction: “Scoop through peanut butter and snap it.”

In the audition, where the girls performed the “Shake Your Junk” section of the song “Positive” (with fun, sexy, humpy choreography that is soooo Jerry Mitchell), the girls who aced it were Natalie, Bailey and Lauren. I think I’m favoring Bailey at this point, even though the show’s editors are trying to paint her as a scheming, bitchy competitor. Natalie’s cute and has great energy, but she comes across as a little girl. And Lauren, well, I think I’ve been clear on that point.

Shortly after her audition, Autumn experienced the Technicolor yawn and — surprise! — ended up in front of the judges in the casting office alongside whiny Emma. [SPOILER ALERT] The judges did the right thing and bid adieu to Emma, who did not have the right lightness for Elle. Good news is now she can start smoking again!

Don’t miss Seth Rudetsky’s wrap-up of the whole episode here. It’s better than the real thing.

And here’s Bailey shaking her junk in the full performance.

`Blonde’ boredom begins


The girls meet the dogs on MTV’s “Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods.”
Photo courtesy of MTV.

It’s Week 4 on MTV’s “Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods,” and we started with eight girls and ended with six. By the end of this recap I’ll tell you who got dumped, so consider this a spoiler alert and stop reading now if you don’t want this less-than-earth-shattering news.

This week it’s all about bitches – not the girls – the dogs. In the musical (as in the Reese Witherspoon movie that inspired it), Elle Woods’ best friend is Bruiser, a little Chihuahua. So our contestants, under the tutelage of dog trainer Bill Berloni, learn how to interact with their four-legged co-stars. The best that can be said for this segment is this: at least the dogs are cute.

The winner of the dog “challenge” (seriously, the language of reality TV is nonsensical) is Autumn, who with pal Celina, is awarded quality time with Richard H. Blake, who plays Elle’s boyfriend, Warner, in the musical. This is the exact same pattern as all the previous episodes, and it’s BOOOOring.

Then comes the audition: the girls perform the number “Serious” opposite Blake. Rhiannon (who is charming when she isn’t slack-jawed), Lauren and Emma kick some serious butt. The episode’s only real drama came from Emma’s diagnosis of bronchitis. She proved what a trouper is as she performed her best-ever audition while sick as a dog. Now there’s some reality that has something to do with actual theater reality.

After last week’s snark fest, Cassie S. (right) was cruising for a bruising. After getting called out by her roommates for throwing them under the bus in front of the judges, poor little whiny Cassie admitted she doesn’t “do” girls. She doesn’t have girlfriends and doesn’t know how to talk to them. Poor thing. [SPOILER ALERT #2] She so deserved to be kicked off – not just because she’s a brat but because she would have been a terrible Elle Woods.

The surprise of the episode is that they ousted two girls instead of one, which meant San Francisco native Celina – much too alt-sexy to be Elle Woods – was booted as well.

The preview for next week’s episode looks juicy and tear filled. Check out music coach Seth Rudetsky’s video blog – it’s a hoot.

Here are the girls’ full performances of “Serious.”

For previous weeks recaps: Week 1, Week 2, Week 3

Annoying `Blonde’ ambition

Oh, the sweet, sweet torture of this ridiculous “Blonde” experiment.

Yes, it’s Week 3 of “Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods,” and I’m actually starting to care – not about who wins so much as who gets kicked off the show. There are so many girls I want kicked off, so many girls I want to see cry and be put in their place. Who knew I was so cruel and took such delight in the misery of ambitious young Broadway hopefuls?

We catch up with our nine finalists in their Empire Hotel suite (decorated by Pottery Barn Teen, aka PBTeen, which was a mystery to me in the last episode – and it should only have stayed that way) as they discover their next adventure will involve – yay! – “the piano guy,” Seth Rudetsky. He makes them sing while pedaling stationary cycles. And they belt and they spin, and they belt and they spin. The evil Cassie S. says “it was a piece of cake,” and when we hear her awful vocalizing, we agree it was a piece of something, all right.

There are a couple of old reliable in this show: a) the girls will wear Legally Blonde sweats with “omigod” written across the ass b) Rhiannon will have her mouth open and c) their will be gratuitous sponsor plugs throughout.

Lauren – whose face annoys me, which is a mean thing to say, but it’s true – wins the vocalizing/spinning prize, which is a mani-pedi with Orfeh, who plays Paulette in Blonde on Broadway. “I’m excited to pick on her brain,” the annoying-faced Lauren says.

For their next audition, the girls have to perform “Omigod You Guys,” the catchiest number in the musical (just try to get it out of your head), but the catch is they have to learn the Elle part and the supporting Delta Nu chorus girl parts. “Everybody wants to be the star,” is the mantra, and no one is thrilled with having to play back-up. That’s when Seth so rightly predicts the “be-yotch-ery” will begin. Yes, and it almost all comes from Cassie S. who can’t be long for this reality TV world. It is on between Bailey and Cassie S., and it’s fun. Bailey is more talented but Cassie could kick some serious butt.

Lauren (left) and that annoying face and Lindsey face the chopping block on MTV\'s \"Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods.\" Photo courtesy of MTV

Lauren (left) and that annoying face and Lindsey face the chopping block on MTV’s “Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods.” Photo courtesy of MTV

Of course, while the judges are deliberating and choosing the bottom four (host Haylie Duff says, “At least one of you is going home tonight” as if the whole quartet could be summarily dismissed), one of the girls says in full overly dramatic fashion: “It feels like death right now.” Yes, Broadway has always equaled death.

SPOILER ALERT:
Lauren, Celina, Lindsey and Emma (has there ever been a more self-congratulatory ex-smoker?) are this week’s bottom dwellers, and poor Lindsey, whose performance was pretty dismal, is sent packing. No more PBTeen dream for her.

Find more video on the MTV site here.

`Blonde’ begat blonde moments

“Legally Blonde: The Search for Elle Woods,” Episode 2
(photo courtesy of MTV)

Here’s the problem with the second episode of this Broadway-bedazzled reality show: NO SETH RUDETSKY. Our girls, all vying to replace Laura Bell Bundy in Broadway’s Legally Blonde the Musical, concentrated on their thespianic skills this week, so they were under the tutelage of Blonde associate director Marc Bruni and cast member Nikki Snelson, who plays jump-roping Brooke Wyndham.

In typical crap reality fashion, the show was edited within an inch of its life, and the repetition of scenes, especially before and after commercials, made it seem like you were watching a stubborn DVR that jumped backward and forward by itself.

From the beginning of the episode, when the girls enter their lodgings, which have been pinkified in every way, the tone was set. “Ten girls can make a lot of noise,” the voice-over says. And it’s true, they squealed like Ned Beatty in Deliverance at the sight of every piece of pink furniture, and one girl described the place as a “PB Teen dream,” whatever the hell that is.

The theme this week was acting. The girls’ audition involved a scene with Nikki Snelson, and based on the near Shakespearean levels of acting required (the phrase “Delta Nu Nu Nu” got repeated A LOT), nine girls moved on to next week, while one got unmercifully sliced from the roster.

But before that, two of the girls, Bailey and Lindsey, won a special prize (well, Bailey won it, mostly for suppressing her South Carolina accent): coaching time with Snelson. But here’s the “reality” twist: they had the session in the Puma store. Such shameless product placement makes shows like this difficult to watch. And when the girls return to their hotel, they’re both carrying Puma shopping bags. WE GET IT! There are many fine things for girls to buy at the Puma store. Thank you for the commercial within the program just before the commercial. And come on, as if this whole show weren’t a big, giant commercial for Legally Blonde, which could stand an infusion of butts in seats.

So during the real audition in front of the judges, when all 10 girls performed opposite Snelson, the gimmick was that Snelson was asked to purposefully drop a line to see how the girls reacted. Consider, as one contestant did afterward, that many of these girls are going through their first Broadway audition process, which is difficult enough. Then to play little tricks is just mean. It’s better for the cameras and for us nasty schadenfreude-infected viewers, but it’s cold. Some girls handled it. Some didn’t — oh, how they didn’t.

Judge Bernie Telsey (a high-powered casting agent) gets to utter the axe line: “We just don’t see you as the next Elle Woods on Broadway.” And this week — SPOILER ALERT — he axed Cassie O., a 22-year-old Ohio native. That’s what you get when you’re named after an ’80s keyboard.

Like all reality shows when you watch them for more than 15 minutes, I’m getting sucked in and I DON’T WANT TO BE SUCKED IN. I don’t like this, but I like it.

Here’s the MTV site for more Legally Blonde stuff.